Sometimes When I See You

Sometimes when I see your face I wonder.

The musings of a man who made too many decisions based on what he felt incapable of doing.

I do not pretend that it should have or even could have been me.

But I wonder. 

And then I stop wondering. I see your joy. 

Really see it, unfiltered by the lingering nostalgia that always threatens to break through where you are concerned.

Truthfully, when decisions were made, long ago, I thought I might be bitter.

Bitter at the circumstances. Bitter at myself for not making more of an attempt. 

I am not bitter. 

There is only warmth in the spots you occupy in my mind. The comfort of unwavering love and friendship.

For these I am grateful. For what you have been given, for what you have given, for what you have received, I am joyful. Parts of me remain in awe of you.

But sometimes when I see you, I wonder. 

If only for the briefest of moments.